Poetry

Haiku-alicious

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Poetry, Quickie •   4

When life gives you lemons wear goggles.

I know most of you, heck ALL of you, don’t really care about my real life, but I’m going to tell you a little about my week so far just because it’s driving me crazy so I might as well bring you along for the ride. And you know what? Just because I’m going a bit crazy, I think I’ll tell you using Haiku!

New PhotoBlog site
CSS, HTML
Soon to be revealed

Must buy new laptops
Money flows and disappears
Like flushing toilet

Work, work, work, work, work
Interfering with my life
Yet without, I cry

Searching for or not
Brother, best friend and trouble
Always together

Grandpa hospital
Anxious worry, hopeless fear
Better soon, we hope

I’ll be back as soon as I can.

The Loser Patter Song

• by GeekMan • In Poetry •   1

I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe
I’ve written words of mockery, parody and comedy
I know my place in this world, so I post my past historical
From Barbizon to riding bikes, in order categorical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mostly mythical
From D&D to Spider-Man and Bread so egotistical
About website designing I am teeming with a lotta news
With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use

With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use
With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use
With many cheerful facts about the CSS you oughtta use

I’m very good at black & white and even color photographs
So famous in my own mind that I’m always signing autographs
In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe

In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe

I know our Blogging history; GreyMatter, Blogger and MT
In answer to monotony I’ve argued with anatomy
By questioning my cognizance I create my crazy omnibus
My misanthropic messages make hurtful humans humorous

I can misinform my minions using ancient haiku Japanese
And set the stage to write the scene of begging sex upon my knees
Then hum a happy tune of which I’ve heard but once or twice before
And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor

And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor
And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor
And whistle all the songs from that infernal bastard Solonor

I leave for you this catalogue of my manic mental mayhem
Where I’ve written every detail in the hopes that you’ll enjoy ’em
In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser Blogger wannabe

In short, for words of mockery, parody and comedy
I am the very model of a loser called The Mighty Geek!

The Lunch Song

• by GeekMan • In Poetry •   2

La-la-la! I’m not listening!

For some reason, this made-up song has been in my head for the last hour or so. In the hopes of stopping the madness I’m posting it here for the whole world to see. Maybe, just maybe, sharing it with you will shut up the voices in my head long enough for me to actually eat. Enjoy.

I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!

Eat, eat, eat!
Meat, meat, meat!
Order in or hit the street?

Leftovers are oh so smelly
Need to put food in my belly
Look in fridge what do I see?
Nothing good inside for me

I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!

Should I get some nice Chinese?
Or, how about some Japanese?
Mexican, Vietnamese
Thai, Italian, Portuguese?

Choices, choices everywhere
I can’t decide, I’m in despair!
I need to eat or I’ll waste away
Where the hell to go today?!

I’m so hungry gotta, gotta eat
I’m so hungry coldcut meat
I’m so hungry poop looks good
Think I won’t? You know I would!

Holy crap, I’m hungry.

Olde School TMG Rap

• by GeekMan • In Poetry •   1

Sung to “Paul Revere” by Beastie Boys

Now here’s a little story – I’ve got to tell
About three bad psyches – you know so well
It started way back in history
With Ex-Boxx, Crusty Bread, and me – M. G.!
I had a little Bloggie called The Mighty Geek
Just me and my Bloggie and my jokes so weak
Writing stuff so sad – Killing my fans
As they left my site in droves cause I sucked so bad

One lonely psyche I be
All by myself without nobody
A Geek sitting down on my ass so fat
My head was getting hot – my jokes were going flat
Making a sandwich – I ran into a guy
His name was Crusty Bread, I said, ‘Hello.’ – He said, ‘Die.’

He told a little story – that sounded well rehearsed
Four days in the fridge and that he’s dying for mirth
A fork was in his hand – and pointed at my neck
With angry voice and reddened eye – he stabbed my intellect
He said, ‘Can you write some?’
I said, ‘I can’t write none!’
Had a chance to run
He stabbed me in my bum
Quick with the pain – I thought I was dead
He put the fork to my head and this is what he said,

‘Now my name is Crusty Bread – I’ve got a cure for your plight
I think you know what time it is – it’s time to joke write
Now what do we have here – a GeekMan and his fear?
I run this brain, you’re dumb and lame – I make myself clear?’
We stepped up to the screen – I had to cry, he had a grin
You think this story’s over but it’s ready to begin

‘Now I got the fork – your time is through
You got two choices of what you can do
It’s not a tough decision as you can see
I can stab you to death or you can write with me.’
I said, ‘I’ll write with you if you can make me more funny
The jokes I write now make me sound like a dummy
I write about this – I write about that
I write about it all and it’s crap
So… I’m out of fun – my readers have run
Right about now – I fear my site is done
And The Mighty Geek – that is my name
And I know my mind’s shattered and I’m going insane.’

We wrote for six hours then we hit the Box
The guns were blazing and the missiles were hot
The Box was sexy like a girl at eighteen
My brain took notice and created the scene
Crusty Bread said, ‘Yo Bub, you know this chick?’
I said I didn’t, but I know he did!
The chick said, ‘Get ready ‘cause this ain’t funny
My name’s Ex-Boxx and I’m the GeekMan’s honey.’
Pulled out the Halo – held it to the sky
She yelled, ‘Halo Rocks!’ – As I just sighed
She stood up and my jaw hit the floor
She wasted no time in giving me more
‘I’m Ex-Boxx and I get respect
Your love and adoration is what I expect.’
Crusty Bread was with it and he’s my ace
So I grabbed the computer keyboard and I wrote her into place
The funny story’s out – the lameness stopped
Your fav’s are weak – if I get dropped
Ex-Boxx for the sexy – Crusty Bread for the bold
I’m for all Geekies – now the story’s told

And This Time I Really Mean It

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Poetry, Traveling •   5

Well true believers, GeekMan’s got some bad news.

Due to my amazingly full work schedule I’m going to be flying to Chicago today to be a good little graphics monkey and make enough money for HoBiscuit to buy herself a new pair of shoes, and the accompanying walk-in closet to go with them. What that means for you my loyal readership is that I’ll be gone for yet another week, but if my visitor logs are any indication then neither of you will really care.

I don’t even think Momma Geek will notice my absence.

In order for the world to fully comprehend my agony over leaving all of you unattended and humorless for yet another seven days, I originally wanted to express myself in the only way I believed could truly capture all of my anguish, heartache, fear and despair. But since no one would have been able to see my interpretive dance, I’ve decided to use a different style of expression more in keeping with this computerized medium. So sit back and prepare yourself for my awe inspiring and almost Shakespearian display of Crane-Style Emotive Blogger Haiku.

Yeah BOY-eee. I got mad haiku skilz.

Early morning flight
Work has GeekMan by the nads
Updates shall suffer

Readers bow their heads
Hot chocolate made sweet with tears
Heaven holds no warmth

Another week gone
Sadness envelopes the world
Until The Return

Mark your calendar
There will be great rejoicing
On Monday the twelfth

That’s right. You just got poetry served.

Reason In Rhyme

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Experiments, Moving, Poetry, Traveling •   1

Dear Minions,

I understand that it’s Sunday
And yet, I’ll post this anyway
To heck with rules is what I say
When GeekMan is not here to play

My mind is lost, it’s gone you see
I’m driving friends down to DC
I offered up my SUV
To help them leave New York City

Try not to fret, or weep, or cry
For GeekMan did not up and die
I have not been poked in the eye
Or made into Sweeney Meat Pie

I’m just a Geek who’s strong, like ox
Which means I’ll lift a heavy box
While my friends who’re smart, like fox
Eat bagels, cream cheese and some lox

So for a week and then a night
There will be no updates to this site
Monday the 5th is when I’ll write
Later!
Love,
The Geek of Might

Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken

• by GeekMan • In Poetry, Wedding •   8

What do you people think of this as our first dance song?

Man Smart (Woman Smarter)
Performed by Harry Belafonte

I say let us put man and a woman together
To find out which one is smarter
Some say man but I say no
The woman got the man and they should know

**Chorus**
And not me but the people they say
That the men are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way
That’s right the woman is SMARTER
That’s right the woman is SMARTER
That’s right the woman is SMARTER
That’s right
That’s right

Ever since the world began
Woman was always teaching man
Hey, you listen to my bid attentively
I going tell you how she’s smarter than me

Not me but the people they say
That the men are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way

Samson was the strongest man long ago
No one could beat him, as we all know
Until he clashed with Delilah on top of the bed
She told them all the strength was in the hair of his head

**Chorus**

You meet a girl at a pretty dance
Thinking that you would stand a chance
Take her home, thinking she’s alone
Open the door you find her husband home

**Chorus**

I was treating a girl independently
She was making baby for me
When the baby’s born and I went to see
Eyes was blue it was not by me

**Chorus**
**Chorus**

Below are extra verses not in the recorded version of the song.

Garden of Eden was very nice
Adam never work in Paradise
Eve meet snake, Paradise gone
She make Adam work from that day on

**Chorus**

Methuselah spent all his life in tears
Lived without a woman for 900 years
One day he decided to have some fun
The poor man never lived to see 900 and one

**Chorus**
**Chorus**

Yeah, I know. It’s a little too upbeat…

Look At Me, I’m Gift Giving

• by GeekMan • In Poetry •   4

Look at me, I’m gift giving
Lousy with my brown nosing
Won’t go to bed till the Geek links the Ren,
I bought him Fountainhead!
Sent it, hey, from far away
From Australia, crickey mate!
Don’t get all cross ’cause this Aussie’s the boss
So get out of my way

I don’t think you dare, to even touch my hair
I feel ill for poor HoBiscuit
Keep your shonky paws off my Sheila drawers
Or she’ll kick your crack, wanna bet?

As for you pathetic fool
I know what you wanna do
You’ve got no crust Bread’s my object of lust
He’s just so buttery!

GeekMan, GeekMan! Let me be!
Keep your drivel far from me
Just link me fool, ’cause you’re stupid, it’s true
Hey, fungu, I’m Spree Girlie
Continue reading →

Winds Of Change

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Poetry, Quickie, Rants, Serious, Traveling •   11

For there’s a change in the weather, there’s a change in the sea,
So from now on there’ll be a change in me
My walk will be different, my talk and my name,
Nothing about me is going to be the same
I’m going to change my way of living if that ain’t enough,
Then I’ll change the way I strut my stuff
Cause nobody wants you when you’re old and gray
There’ll be some changes made today,
There’ll be some changes made

For there’s a change in the fashions, ask the feminine folks,
Even Jack Benny has been changing jokes,
I must make some changes from old to the new,
I must do some things the same as others do
I’m going to change my long tall Mama for a little short fat,
Going to change the number where I live at
I must have some loving or I’ll fade away
There’ll be some changes made today
Oh, there’ll be some changes made
Continue reading →

A Day Late And A Dollar Short

• by GeekMan • In Poetry •   6

Whoops!

I forgot to post this on Monday. For those of you who can’t guess which Saturday morning cartoon classic song I’m parodying, here’s the original. It’s a WAV file which can be played directly in internet explorer or, if you want to download it, right click (control+click) and select ‘Save Target As’.

Enjoy!

Sodomy, sodomy,
Gay men shout “Anal Privacy!”
Sins ahead? That’s all lies
Supreme Court says, “Fudge packin’ time!”
Look out! Here comes the sodomy!

Is it wrong? Listen you
Try it once you’ll go anal, too
Can his thing fill his spread?
Take a look on the bed
Hey There! There goes the sodomy!

From the far, far Right it was seen as a crime
But the Court had sight, victory just in time!

Sodomy, sodomy
Anal intercourse, sodomy
Gay or straight, saint or whore
Love’s the same, that’s for sure
To them,
Life is a Great Gang-Bang-up
Wherever there’s a hang-up,
You’ll find The Sodomy!