My brother, FishMan, joins the 21st century.

Now challenge me, bee-yatch!

I must be losing my mind.

Against all common sense and good taste I have decided to go see “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” this evening. I know that it’s going to both suck and blow at the same time, but I just can’t seem to help myself. I normally find Angelina Jolie almost irresistible in a sleazy/scary way and in this movie she’s going to be strutting around the screen wearing a pseudo-airforce uniform and an eyepatch…

Woah! Now I need a towel…

Anywaste, I plan on enjoying this horrid little train wreck of a movie if only for helping me take my mind off of the mess the contractor guys are making of my kitchen. I mean, call me crazy (crazy) but if I were working on a job where I had to build and install cabinetry in a kitchen THREE TIMES because my workers never learned how to use a measuring tape, I think I’d kill the workers and use their bodies as wall insulation.

But maybe that’s just me.
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I think I might be a little sick.

I hate it when I’m slightly sick. You know, not so sick that I can’t work, but sick enough that I don’t want to? I’m not really sweating, I’m just slightly clammy to the touch and while I don’t have the chills exactly, I do break out in goose bumps every thirty seconds when I feel a breeze. The worst thing about being only a little unwell is that you don’t get any sympathy. But you do know what the best thing about being just a wee bit sick is, right?

That’s right; I’ve got my sexy voice again!

Want a neat practical joke for long plane flights?

You know those hard, plastic cups the flight attendants give you for your drinks on the plane? Well, when you’re sitting next to a kid, or even a college-age person, try this bit of fun. Take the empty cup and place it in your armpit without your seatmate seeing you do it. Then, complain loudly that your neck is killing you and ask if it would be alright for you to crack it. Without waiting for an answer, twist your neck as far as you can and, just as you reach the point that it would look painful to your seatmate, crush the cup in your armpit by squeezing your arm to your side and then fall over going completely limp.

Trust me, it will look and sound EXACTLY as if you just broke your own neck.

I’m celebrating by taking the rest of this week off.

That means no humor from me until Monday. That’s right; I won’t be telling one joke, making one wisecrack or being silly in any way, in public or in private, until Monday at 9am when I arrive back at the office of The Department of Intolerably Idiotic and Asinine Stupidity Cleverly Disguised As Self-Deprecating Humor That Is Not Funny At All. So, if you’re American, Happy Thanksgiving. If you’re not… well, you should kill a turkey anyway.

I mean, they’re just plain ugly, y’know?

Or, ‘Those Wacky Japanese Gameshows’.

I don’t post links here very often, but today I make an exception. This must be some kind of Japanese game show, but I can’t really understand what’s going on aside from the fact that everyone seems to be enjoying themselves immensely. Can anyone out there translate this and explain it to me? I’m just dying to know what these clips are for. My favorite, and the one I keep watching over and over again, is the one with the two guys playing ping pong.

I’m in awe of the ‘Super High Jump’.

Anywaste, since I’m so busy right now with Wedding Stuff and actual work-type stuff, I’m sorry to say that these short and quick posts will continue for the foreseeable future. I can’t see me returning to my ‘normal’ schedule until October, but if you bear with me and stick around I promise that I’ll be funny again then. No, really I will. Don’t give me that look, and don’t try the old, ‘You were funny?’ line either. I was funny once. Once.

Oh, stop rolling your eyes like that, they’ll just fall out.

~ “The Internet is for porn!” ~

So sings Trekkie Monster in what has to be the absolute BEST musical on or off Broadway that I have ever seen. Avenue Q is so fricking funny that I almost busted a gut laughing, especially when two of the puppets had sex while ‘Gary Coleman’ sang a song about how you can never be too loud when making love.

Holy crap, it was funny.

If you are ever in NY and are in the least, littlest bit curious about what puppets might look like when they have sex, both oral AND anal, you really must see Avenue Q.

Consider it your purpose in life.

And now, back to Wedding Stuff.