Announcements

Of Airplanes, Babies & Walmart

• by GeekMan • In Announcements •   1

Flying with a baby is not fun.

On the plane to Arizona Saturday, MightyBaby behaved pretty well. She cried only a little bit and fussed only when she was hungry or tired. Unfortunately for HoBiscuit and I, MightyBaby didn’t like the idea of sleeping in flight and it took a lot of effort to get her to calm down and sleep instead of trying to walk at 30,000 feet or climb over the back of the seat of the guy trying to read his paper in front of us. When she finally went to sleep the flight attendant asked us if we wanted to celebrate with some alcohol… on her.

People applauded as we left the plane.

Actually, it wasn’t really that bad and MightyBaby was good for almost the entire flight. No screaming fits or bawling tears for her. She just fussed a little bit when she couldn’t get comfortable whenever we tried putting her to sleep. All in all, it was a very easygoing and mostly enjoyable trip. Except for needing to change her poopie diaper at 30,000 feet in the teeny, tiny bathroom compartment during turbulence.

I don’t think my hand will ever be clean again.

Now that we’re in Arizona though, we had to go to where HoBiscuit insisted all the locals go. That’s right, a Walmart Supercenter. When we first got inside I thought HoBiscuit would go into apoplectic shock. The store was huge! With dozens and dozens of choices of each type of item you might ever want. As an example of how in awe she was of Walmart, I give you the bacon aisle. When HoBiscuit saw a literal WALL of bacon, with about 50 choices of brand and another 5 or so choices within each brand, I believe she actually had an orgasm. She couldn’t stop talking about all the lovely, sweet bacon they had. And at such amazingly low prices.

Our actual conversation went something like this;

“OK, HoBiscuit. Your eyes are so big right now, they’re going to pop out of your skull. Let’s try to reel in your glee at being in such a big place a little and focus on the stuff we need, like diapers, baby food, some shampoo…”
“ZOMG!!! BACON!”
“Oh, dear lord.”
“GeekMan, look! Their bacon shelf space alone is bigger than our entire supermarket is back home!”
“Honey, we really need to get what we came for and get back to your parents’ place before the MightyBaby misses you and starts crying.”
“You aren’t listening! This is a Wall of Bacon!”
“Yes, yes. I heard you the first…”
“NO! Listen to me. This is Bacon! A giant, superhuge aisle devoted to sweet, succulent, tasty bacon. And it’s all so cheap!”
“I know how much you like bacon, but…”
“This is… [sob] it’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” [snif]
“Are you crying?”
“No. No, I’ve just got something in my eye.”

Well, at least I know where to take her on our twentieth anniversary.

Ta-Fricking-Da

• by GeekMan • In Announcements •   1

Well, at least it’s something new.

What you now see is a very nice free WordPress template that I discovered and thought would make a nice base for me to tweak into something more to my liking. However, I have no idea when this tweaking will actually take place. So, for the foreseeable future, all I can say is, “Welcome to the new me.”

Man, I miss my GeekMan icon.

The Sickness

• by GeekMan • In Announcements •   1

Once again, I am sick.

I must have the constitution of a dying, plague-infested rat because lately I’ve been constantly on-the-edge-of-death sick. Right now I’ve got some sort of throat issue where talking is making me feel as if I were swallowing shards of broken glass and if I cough… oh lord, if I cough I want to just die.

The pain… sob… the horrible, horrible pain…

Step By Step

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News, Serious •   6

Slowly I turn…

So, I’m getting closer to actually writing here again but the thing that’s really causing me to stall is the stupid design of this site. I’ve got another one of my “neat” and “cool” designs all done up but every time I try to port it over to WordPress I get stuck. I just can’t wrap my head around WordPress’ use of templates and I’m beginning to believe I never will.

It just baffles me.

Of course, if my design was something simple I think I could handle it, but unfortunately for me my designs aren’t so easy as your standard: header, left column, center column, right column and footer. Oh, no. I have to be fricking unique and design something with overlapping columns, multiple image swaps on mouseovers and icons for links instead of standard text links.

Yeah, yeah, I’m a moron.

Anywaste, like I said, I’m getting really close to having the time to once again update on a regular basis. However, after once again being thwarted in my attempts to get this site design updated by my lack of Mad WordPress Coding Skilz, I came to the conclusion that I just didn’t care to continue banging my stubborn noggin on the concrete wall that is WordPress and that maybe, just maybe, I should give up my cool design.

Then I came to my senses and decided to ask for help.

So here I am, begging for help from anyone who might be able to take my design and images and creating the proper WordPress templates for me. Most likely no one will take me up on this without a bribe of some sort, so I came up with a silly idea of a nice exchange. In return for your help in turning my design into a set of standards compliant WordPress templates I will do one of the following (your choice):

  • Design or redesign a website for you
  • Write a funny post about you and link to your site in said post
  • Be your best friend (for one day only and I chose the day)
  • A happy dance

Please, won’t someone help this poor Geek?

Getting Ready to Get Ready

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News •   6

[CREEEEAAAAKKK]

Note to self; oil front door.

Wow! This website has really fallen apart. I remember when this place used to be beautiful and busy and… what’s that word? Oh yeah, funny. Just look at this place now. All these broken links, dead pictures and other crap that’s fallen apart from disuse. And holy cow, look at all these cobwebs and dust and…

Is that a tumbleweed?! Seriously?

I have REALLY been gone too long, haven’t I? I wonder if anyone’s even around here anymore… [skitter] Hey! Hey, who’s there? Is someone there? Hello? Hello?! If someone’s there you better say something! I have a flashlight and it’s, uhhhh… heavy. And bright! I could blind you if I shine it in your eyes! Or, I could swing it real hard at you. And I’ve been working out so I bet it would really hurt. Like, lots. You’d bruise! I mean it!

…

Hello? Someone? Hello?

Creeeeeeepy…

[skitter]

AAAAuuugh!

Ohmystarsandgarters! Don’t do that! Holy Odin’s beard, you scared the poop out of me! What in Nikola Tesla’s name are you doing here, rooting around in the dark like that? Are you crazy? This site’s been shut down for months! No one should be here now, it’s not ready… yet… Hey, you haven’t been here this whole time, have you? Really? Why? And… wait. Why do you look so sad?

Oh.

Crap.

So… Ahem. Uh… it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I know, I know. I’ve been a baaaaad boy. I disappeared, no phone call, no email, no note, not even a handshake and a “See ya when I see ya.” I understand how that would make you feel hurt or confused. Angry even. But, in my defense it was a VERY crazy few months for me, what with the no-longer-so-new baby, crazy work schedule and everything else that’s happened over the last few months. But I completely sympathize and agree with you that my complete and utter lack of updates was unwarranted, hurtful and malicious. We both know that I acted selfishly, letting this poor site rot like this. I mean, look at it! It’s deserted! Broken! Dead!

And it’s all my fault.

But hey! It’s not all bad! I mean, I’m kind of back now, right? I’m not totally back yet, but at least I’m writing something, right? Doesn’t that make you happy? Huh? Doesn’t it? Well, how about if I tell you I’m also working on a layout, too? A nice one. With colors and everything. And I’m planning on writing a whole lot more, too! And not only stuff about me this time. Nope, I’m also going to write about other things, like tutorial stuff and current events and gadgets and being a father and… well, things like that.

You know, life. But with humor.

I know you like that kind of stuff. Everybody likes that kind of stuff. And soon, I’ll be writing about all that stuff on a regular basis! With humor, even! And who doesn’t like humorous articles about all that stuff? No one, that’s who! So show me some love and give me a smile! Awwww…. is that…? Uh-huh. I think I see the start of a smile. Is that a smile? A widdle-bitty smile for GeekMan? It is! You’re smiling again! It’s a miracle!

Yeah, that’s right baby. The GeekMan is back.

Blargh

• by GeekMan • In Geek Life, Quickie •   3

So, I’m sick. Again.

I really hate being sick. I mean really hate it. Not only do I hate being sick, but I hate everything about being sick. I hate all the tissues that rub my nose raw, the mucus that lodges in my chest, the various aches and pains whenever I move and all the cold and clammy sweat that cocoons me in a blanket of yucky slime. Most of all, I hate the fact that as a self employed individual I don’t get any paid sick days off, like a certain wife I could mention who enjoys rubbing those kinds of things in her husbands face when he’s deathly ill.

And really, what’s the point of being sick if you can’t get paid for it?

Legendary

• by GeekMan • In Breaking News •   2

I just received a gift from the gaming gods.

That’s right, I have in my possession Halo 3 Legendary Edition with Halo Spartan Mjolnir Mark VI Helmet! And you know, that helmet is about the same size as my little girl’s head… Anywaste, if anyone, ANYONE, believes that I will be doing anything productive this weekend they are so mistaken, it’s not even funny. I plan on sitting down in front of my 106″ HD projection home theater screen, firing up the 7.1 speakers, strapping on several diapers and simply playing Halo until my eyes literally fall out of my skull. And if you think that’s obsessive, or just stupid, may I point out to you the MASSIVE amount of willpower I am showing by waiting until this weekend to even open the game?! OMG, I hope a week-long woody doesn’t leave me with permanent nerve damage, or anything.

Halo 3 iz da shizzam!