I love CyberPower.

All last week I was having trouble with my computer’s CD-R/RW drive. No matter what I was trying to record to disc; files, music, pr0n, the drive would merely spin for a few moments making very unhappy noises and then spit out the completely empty, and now unusable, disc. I went through about 10 discs before giving up and admitting to myself that the drive was dead.

I was not a happy Geek.

Resigned to the thought of purchasing a new CD-R/RW drive, I began doing some research online. On Tuesday of this week, I mentioned to HoBiscuit that I needed a new drive and she wondered aloud how long I’ve had the computer. When I told her I thought it was less than a year, she called me a moron. Believing I had just been insulted, I stopped using one of our big, wooden spoons to bang the metal pot on my head and turned to my lovely fiancée.

Wiping the drool from my chin I asked, “What do pretty lady mean?”

She let out a big sigh and raised her eyes heavenward, as if to ask a higher power why she had ever agreed to marry such a blithering idiot like myself. Speaking slowly, she explained to me that most computers come with a ‘Warranty’ of at least one year. At my blank stare, she further explained that if my computer had this wondrous and magical ‘Warranty’ I might not need to purchase a new CD-R/RW on my own because the company I bought the computer from would simply replace the faulty component for me. For free.

O, Font of Wisdom! Thou hast saveth the day!

With my new understanding of the inner workings of the universe, I called the tech support number conveniently located on the side panel of my computer. In less than 30 seconds I was speaking with a real, live person who took down my name, telephone number and my computer’s Service Number. The last was a number was found on another sticker on the side panel of the computer, right below some other important numbers like the OS registration number, my bank account and HoBiscuits birthday.

Dammit, missed it again.

The kind woman on the phone then told me that a tech support person would call me later in the day to help me with my problem. Thinking that I had just been screwed, I was shocked and amazed when, less than an hour and a half later, someone actually did call!

I nearly fell over dead from the shock of it.

My guy, Dave by name, worked with me on the problem. After working on it with me for a while, he admitted that the drive itself had probably failed and, after making sure I was still under the protective custody of the ‘Warranty’, he put in a request for a new drive to be mailed to me.

This nearly caused me to have heart palpitations, but wait. There’s more.

Dave went on to ask me if I wanted to install the drive myself, or if I would rather have someone come to my home and do it for me. Aha, I thought, so that’s it! He expects me to pay for the pleasure of having Johnny Buttcrack install something for me when I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself! What kind of fool did Dave think I was?! But when I asked Dave how much such a service would cost me he said, “Not a dime.”

This time I did faint, but only for a moment.

So, I am now a charter member of the CyberPower Fan Club. Now, I have owned computers from almost all of the big name computer manufacturers out there, and even some of the smaller guys so I do understand that many other companies have this kind of service. Fast phone support answering times, replacing defective computer parts and even sending a technician to your home to help with component installation isn’t something exclusive to CyberPower. But I also know from first hand experience just how many hoops those other companies make you jump through before they’ll get to the point of sending a replacement and/or a technician. So in the future, if you ever ask me what computer to buy or what computer company is tops in service and support, I’ll say CyberPower without any hesitation.

Now, if only they made laptops…

Next week will be fun.

I’m not kidding, it really will be. That’s because JadedJu of JadedJu.com will be here interviewing me all week. I’ve agreed to answer any and all questions she might throw at me, so you all might just find out something new and revolting about me!

Won’t that be fun?

So remember to mark your calendars and clear your schedules, because next week is Geek Week right here at The Mighty Geek! Look out Pat O’Brien, because one day soon GeekMan is coming to Access Hollywood! And you better believe I’ll be grabbing some O’Dell buttock while I’m there! Boo-Yah!

Man! This level of entertainment just can’t be Tivo’d!

Mmmm, tastes just like chicken.

Not only did this idiot cut off his one-eyed wonder worm with his own hand, but he even managed to ignore the immense pain of self mutilation long enough to fry it up and eat it!

Now what’s he gonna do when he needs to pee? Swallow a sponge?

At this point most people would leave this story alone and move on, but not me. That’s because I’ve got a question running through my head that’s driving me crazy. You see, I’m wondering if this schmuck sat down at the table and used a knife and fork to eat his tallywacker, or if he ate it out of the frying pan over the sink like a real man?

You know, in his wife-beater and tighty whities reddies.

And what spices does one use in preparing a sexual organ for consumption? I’m sure there’s salt, pepper and garlic in there, but what about paprika and thyme? Also, what does one serve with schlong? Peas and carrots? Chickpea melody? Homefries? What?

Dammit, this is going to keep me up at night. I can tell.

My grandpa will be the death of me.

GeekMan:
“HoBiscuit, have a piece of my cake. It’s really good.”

HoBiscuit:
“No thanks. I think I’ve had enough for tonight. I’m trying to slim down for the wedding, you know.”

Grandpa:
“You know, I have noticed that your ass is getting big.”

[HoBiscuit punches Geekman. HARD.]

In other news. Happy birthday to me.