Who Wants To Be A Superhero is my favorite TV show. Ever.

If you haven’t seen this show yet because you think that it sounds like the stupidest premise ever, then you don’t know the genius that you’re missing. Quickly put, the premise is that people create a superhero persona, go to a “hero” audition in costume, then if they get picked they go to a Real World / Big Brother type house and are then subjected to trials and contests similar to Amazing Race, The Mole, Survivor, Fear Factor and every other “reality” game show you can think of. And they have to do it all in character and in costume!

It’s so wonderful it brings tears to my eyes.

And the people! They are the most amazingly bizarre cast of misfits I’ve ever seen! There’s a woman who calls herself “Fat Momma” and gets her powers from eating doughnuts! A guy calling himself “Major Victory” whose catchphrase is “Be a winner, not a wiener!” A health-food nutcase called “Creature!” A “Monkey Woman!” Even “Cell Phone Girl!” And get this, they’ve even got a super villain who was kicked off the show and now wants revenge!

Brilliant!

To put the icing on the cake Stan Lee, the creator of the Fantastic Four, the Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Daredevil and of course, my hero Spider-Man, is the host, judge and jury of the show. To make even THAT more crazy, he only shows up on TV screens! The contestants never actually meet him or see him in person, they can only talk to his image on a screen! I’m betting that Stan Lee is nobody’s fool and had it written into his contract that he would never be in the same room as these wannabe super-whackos.

The man is a genius.

By now you’re probably wondering why these idiots would subject themselves to this kind of public humiliation, well, I’ll tell you. The winner gets to be the newest comic book super hero in their very own Dark Horse comic book AND they get to appear in a SciFi original movie. As far as I can tell, there’s not even any money involved! The idiots!

OMG, hilarious does not do this show justice.

I’m baaaack!

And I’m really tired. I’ve got stories and pictures to share from my travels, but today I think I’ll just say I had a pretty good time in Denmark but got to see and do nothing in India. In fact, if I hadn’t left the hotel 4 hours early for my flight, I wouldn’t have even had the time to buy some souvenirs before I left Bangalore. Oh well, maybe I’ll make it back there some day and will make up for this trip by riding on the back of an elephant or something. Anywaste, I’ll tell you all about Denmark tomorrow or Wednesday when I have a better handle on sleep and time zones and jetlag. Wait… is today Monday, or Tuesday?

Oy, I need sleep.

Guess who’s leaving you again?

That’s right people, I’ve got to pack it up and do a bit of traveling for work again. What fabulous and exciting adventures await our dashing hero this time? No one knows exactly, but I’m pretty darn excited because I’m headed to Bangalore, India! And if someone can’t find excitement and adventure in India then they might as well hand over their Adventuring Hero Membership Card and call it a day.

But not me. I’ve got a lifetime membership.

But hey, you know what’s even cooler? After I get back from India I have another big job where I’m traveling to yet another foreign land. What foreign port will I be traveling to next, you ask? Why, Copenhagen, Denmark of course!

I cannot WAIT to buy some clogs and dance under a windmill.

What does all this traveling I’ll be doing mean for you, dear reader? Well, it means that from now until June 19th updates here will be few and far between as I spend all my energy and time trying to sightsee places that I expect I’ll only get to visit this one time in my life. I know you’re all jealous and disappointed, but… well, I don’t care! I’m going to India and Denmark!

Oh, man! I fricking love my job!

“Hmmm. I think I need some new anime DVDs.”

Taking another look at my vast collection of anime I nodded in satisfaction. There I was, standing in front of shelf after shelf of anime DVDs, each of which I had watched at least once on my Very Expensive Home Theater System. I puffed out my chest with pride knowing that I was truly a master of all I surveyed.

A sad and pathetic master, but still, a Master.

Since it was a little late in the day for a trip to my favorite anime shoppe, I decided to check there website to find out their business hours before making the long and arduous journey. But when I got there I received the shock of my week.

“They’re closed?!”

I sat there in disbelief for about ten minutes. How could they do this to me? How could they close their doors without even a going out of business sale? Where was the big 50% off super sale? Did they not have a liquidation bonanza? Holy crap, where was I going to buy the entire series of Eureka 7 for $40 instead of having to spend $30 per DVD at Amazon?! Now that they’re gone, where am I supposed to get my anime fix?!

Dammit. I feel like curling up in a ball and crying myself to sleep.

I’m a big, fat, lazy, pathetic idiot.

For the last week I’ve been sitting around on my butt wallowing in pitiful “woe-is-me” mode as I pine for inspiration and motivation to do something, or anything, with my suddenly very free time. But instead of getting up and doing all the things I promised myself I’d do when I had the time (like redesigning this site, creating a photoblog, taking a class on Flash design or even just reading a fricking book) I’ve been lying about in my undies on the couch watching some of the worst home improvement shows I can find. Oh sure, I may have learned how to re-tile my kitchen floor using broken plates or how to turn an old salad bowl into a decorative birdbath, but some things truly are not worth knowing. Like how certain How To hosts can really freak you out with their ugly sweaters, Sammy Davis Jr. eyes and over-emphasized head-bobbing.

Oh yeah! I’m talking to you, Suzanne Whang!

It all came to a head last night. After I finished watching another riveting installment of Buy Me on HGTV and right after I got winded attempting to get my expanding butt off the couch so I could eat another pound of raspberry Jell-O while standing over the sink and crying softly to myself, I realized just how low I had sunk. I mean, I had just spent three hours of my life watching reruns of really bad Fix-It shows I had already seen that very afternoon and all I wanted to do was eat another pound of Jell-O and find out how I could increase the value of my apartment by making my own cheap throw pillows and rearranging the furniture.

It was obvious I needed an intervention.

So I decided that enough was enough. I needed to get back into the swing of things and be creative or I would simply fade away and die. The very first thing that was going to change was I would get back on the horse and start writing here again. Every weekday that I am home, no excuses. Second, I’m going to take a class on something. I don’t know what yet, but I will learn something this summer or die trying. Third, and right now most important, I’m going to stop eating raspberry Jell-O by the pound.

Whoever said “There’s always room for Jell-O” must have had a tapeworm.

Also, I’ve redesigned the site but I’ve run into a problem that I cannot for the life of me fix. So until I come up with a solution it’s going to stay under wraps. However, if you’re interested in seeing a rough of it and giving me feedback or technical help, shoot me an email and I’ll send you the link to the über-secret redesign page. Then you can show off and tell all your friends in math class that you saw the redesign before anyone else.

You hot and sexy Geek, you.

Lastly, it’s my Bloggerversary. The Mighty Geek is five years old today. Huzzah. In the past I’ve written songs for my Bloggerversary, asked for linky-love from my minions and even tried to become famous by insulting famous bloggers with short fuses. This year I think I’ll try something different and pretend that I’m too old for silly pranks and stupid parties and just say Happy Bloggerversary to me and leave it at that.

Besides, I don’t have enough TP for everyone’s house.

Han Solo shoots first. Again.

That was the battle cry of every true Star Wars fan ever since 1997’s 20th anniversary edition of the original movies were released with content that had been ‘edited for your viewing pleasure.’ What did that mean? Well, due to George Lucas’ inability to leave well enough alone, he had digitally enhanced the movies (which I’ll be the first to admit was a Very Good Thing) and then messed up the whole story by digitally adding character and even whole scenes to the movie. And the most heinous of offenses he perpetrated on his adoring fans?

He made Greedo shoot first.

For the three of you in existence who have no idea what I’m talking about let me bring you up to speed. In the original Star Wars movie Luke and Obi-Wan go to the Cantina to procure a spaceship so they can get off planet and thus help save Princess Leia. In the Cantina they meet Han Solo and Chewbacca and, after a bit of haggling over price, Han Solo agrees to help them. After Luke and Obi-Wan leave the Cantina, and after Chewbacca also leaves to prepare the ship, Han Solo is confronted by a bounty hunter named Greedo who has been sent by Jabba to collect either the money Han owes Jabba, or else Han’s dead body.

And then, without any warning, Han shoots Greedo.

To my mind, this was the defining moment of Han’s character in the movies. He was a rogue, a scoundrel and not the kind of guy anybody with half a mind would ever trust and yet, by the end of the movie he has a change of heart and does the right thing by helping Luke when he had absolutely nothing to gain and everything to lose. That’s what made Han Solo such a cool character and it’s also why, after seeing the 1997 re-release of Star Wars, I swore off anything and everything Star Wars related. I promised myself that I would never give George Lucas another penny of my money until he finally admitted that he had been wrong to tamper with what was for millions of fans a classic movie and released an unedited version of the movies along with his newer “re-imaginings”.

And now my prayers have been answered.

In September Lucas will release a new DVD package of the three original movies (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi) which will contain the original theatrical releases on DVD, sans re-imaginings, and the newer, digitally tweaked 2004 editions in which George added even MORE characters and scenes and changed the Cantina scene yet again so that both Greedo and Han Solo fire at each other simultaneously.

Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me sick.

Anywaste, now that he’s finally realized the error of his ways and is going to release the originals as they were meant to be seen I can finally buy a DVD version of three of my favoritist movies ever. I only hope that those of you who know Star Wars only through the three newer movies (Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones & Revenge of the Sith) and the digitally re-imagined originals will buy the originals now so you can finally understand why they mean so much to those of us who grew up with them. Plus, it’s just one more excuse to see Princess Leia in that slave bikini in sloooooowwww motttionnnn.

Oh man, I know what HoBiscuit’s wearing for Halloween! Boo-Ya!

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Stupid, stupid CSS.

So, I’m having a teensy-weensy bit of trouble with my CSS, or to be more precise, with my javascript rollover effects. This has led to some problems with my much delayed launch of the new site. I’m sure no one cares because I now know that absolutely no one comes here anymore. How do I know? Maybe it’s because last night I looked at my stats and the web server actuially laughed at me. I’m not kidding. When I went to check my logs a little pop-up window came up in which there was an icon of a computer and it was pointing at me and laughing.

Then it showed me my visitor count and laughed as I cried.

Anywaste, while I sort out the problem, I thought it might be nice for me to throw out a philosophical question that’s been on my mind for a while. Here’s the question; “Outside of religion or religious beliefs, i.e. god, heaven, questions of faith, etc., what do you believe is true regardless of facts or proof to the contrary?” For example, some people believe that the more money you spend on something the better it is at what it’s supposed to do. Whether or not scientific or empirical data says otherwise they will not change their belief system whether the thing in question is a $500,000 car or a $5 toy.

As for me? Well, no matter how many people say it, I still don’t believe I’m a loser.