Woah. Keanu still can’t act.

I saw The Matrix last night and I’m actually vibrating with anticipation for the third installment. The movie started out a little weirdly but made sense soon enough, and then the movie took off like a rocket.

And I mean that literally.

I won’t give away any spoilers or even discuss my thoughts on the movie but I did want to give those of you who are planning on seeing it this weekend a little bit of advice. Pay attention to the Architect. Listen to every word because doing so just might help you comprehend the incomprehensible.

Anywaste, back to my pathetic life.

HoBiscuit is away for the next two weeks, because she’s attending a couple of weddings that I’m supposed to be at with her but cannot due to a very busy work schedule. She’s part of the bridal party of each wedding, so it’s really horrible of me to not go with her. I hope she understands that I’m staying behind so we can afford to pay for our wedding, but just in case she feels the urge to withhold sex upon her return, I’ve gone ahead and purchased her a gift. And since I was feeling so generous, I got one for myself too, of course.

What? I’m a Geek. So sue me.

Allergies still suck.

Only a few more hours left for you to submit your entry into the big contest. I’ve got a whole lot of great sentences already, but don’t let that scare you off. I can always find a way to add in another paragraph or three if I come across a really good sentence.

Amazingly, not one person has mentioned llamas yet. [hint, hint]

If you’ve sent in a sentence and either don’t have or forgot to include your website, then I’ve decided to not include your entry in the story. I’m sorry, but even though there were a whole lot of really great sentences sent in by people without websites, I had to par the list down somehow, and since this is supposed to be showing people a little linky-love… Awwww, come on. Don’t look at me like that. I still love you. Really, I do. Oh, give it up! Stop pouting already.

Honestly, it makes you look like a goldfish. And a sick one, at that.

Allergies suck. Just thought you should know.

For those of you who’ve been waiting patiently for me to get back to discussing my research into a new laptop for myself, let me bring you up to date. When I went to the airport this weekend on my way to another job in another state, I came across a display/kiosk by none other than Intel wherein there were a dozen or so actual laptops from various manufacturers equipped with the new Centrino chipset.

Talk about your great timing.

Like a kid in a candy store I began to quickly fondle and stroke myself the computers since I knew I would probably never find a Dell 600m next to a Gateway 450x again in my life. It was amazing that each and every computer I had on my list was in evidence at this demo and FREE for me to play with.

My nipples are getting hard just thinking about it again.

So, to make this long and sexually charged story a little shorter, I have narrowed my list down to the following computers;

• Acer Travelmate 800 series
• Dell 600m
• Gateway 450
• Sony Vaio Z1A

If you have any suggestions or comments on these computers, especially if you’ve actually handled them yourself, then please, please, PLEASE leave a comment or write me an email. If your favorite laptop manufacturer isn’t on this list then it probably means I’ve decided against buying it for some reason fathomable only to myself. Maybe that manufacturer doesn’t have a laptop with the Centrino chipset, maybe that computer was too heavy for frequent travel, maybe that manufacturer or that specific computer doesn’t have powerful enough graphics for my purposes.

Or, maybe having that laptop in my home would be bad Feng Shui.

Anywaste, there’s the computer laptop update, so now you’re all caught up on that part of my Geeky life. Isn’t that nice? I’m sure you’re all doing the happy dance in your chair to celebrate. Moving on to the big contest I mentioned on Friday, I’ve already received quite a few entries but I’m looking for even more. If you haven’t sent in your entry yet, what the heck are you waiting for? Remember to include your URL with your entry so I can send you all the linky-love you deserve.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, allergies can toss my frickin salad.

I think I just might hang myself with a USB cable.

I’m looking to buy myself a new notebook computer and being the UberGeek that I am, I feel compelled to do due diligence up the wazoo and research the Snausages out of all the currently available laptops before I make my purchase. So, after spending fleeting moments picking the mounds of silly putty that pass for brains amongst the tech departments of the major computer stores within thirty steps of my front door, and after spending minute after minute sifting through the Google search results for “awesomest most ‘leet laptop computer in the frickin world” and after spending the barest minimum amount of time compiling a list of suitable computer manufacturers from whom I would even consider buying from without demanding my sales reps first born as collateral, I think I’m almost ready to make my decision.

So far, I’ve narrowed down my choices to these select few manufacturers;

• Acer
• Alienware
• Dell
• Fujitsu
• Gateway
• IBM
• Sager
• Sony
• Toshiba
• Winbook

Well… perhaps ‘narrowed down’ is a little misleading.

At least I’ve managed to cross HP/Compaq off the list so far. Of course, they were never on the list to begin with since I hate their computers with a passion usually reserved for people who talk on their cell phones while breast feeding a their baby in a crowded movie theater.

Or Celine Dion. Whichever.

Anywaste, since I’m a lazy bastard and I actually believe that my visitors are a smart and tech savvy bunch of people, I’m looking for your help with making my decision. What? You’d be happy to offer your advice? Great! I knew you would be! Let me tell you a little more about what I’m looking for in my new laptop;

• 512 MB RAM
• 20GB or greater hard drive
• 14” or larger screen
• Minimum 1024x768x32bit resolution
• Minimum 32 MB DEDICATED video RAM
• ATI or nVidia graphics card
• CDRW/DVD combo drive or equivalent
• Built in 10/100Mbps LAN and 56K modem
• Preferably built in 802.11b wireless or optional add-in card at time of purchase
• At least 2 USB ports
• Preferably at least 1 Firewire port
• At least one year of on-site service and support
• Win XP Pro
• Under $2,100 including shipping and tax

See? It’s not like I’m asking for the impossible or anything, right?

You might have noticed a few things that are missing from that list, most noticeably there’s no processor mentioned. That’s because any of the newest processors would be more than enough for my needs. For arguments sake though, we could say that anything above a P4 2Ghz and an AMD 18000+ would be fine.

The new Intel Centrino’s would be even better. *drool*

Sound doesn’t matter to me; I like my VEHTS better anyway. I also don’t care about floppy drives or battery life. I can’t remember the last time I used a floppy drive and if I ever use the damn thing for more than 10 minutes unplugged I think I might fall down dead in shock. I might go into convulsions first and foam at the mouth, but trust me; I’d be on the ground and dead in less than a minute. Pushing up the daisy’s before you could even think of pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del.

So smart guy, what laptop computer would you suggest?

The Mighty Geek is traveling again.

Beginning January 5th and ending February 27th GeekMan will be traveling the globe for work. This is both good news and bad news. Good news, because it means that GeekMan will be earning money once again and will soon be able to regal you with new stories of his trivial travel travails and the mightily moronic mediocrity of modern man. Bad news because it also means that updates will be very scarce while GeekMan’s away.

But to some, that is also good news.

Where is GeekMan going, you ask? To foreign lands, I answer with pomposity. GeekMan will be traveling to such wondrous and exotic locals as Barcelona, Shanghai and even Orlando. There is talk of Canada, California and even the fair shores of Hawaii in his future. GeekMan is rather proud to say that GeekMan is going to all of these places for work, and thus will not be paying a frickin dime other than on the purchase of food or gifts for loved ones.

In case you’re wondering, you are not a ‘loved one’ and will receive no gifts. Yes, I’m talking to you.

GeekMan knows how wondrous and exciting this whole itinerary may sound to the uninitiated, but trust us when we tell you that GeekMan is not the least bit excited. For GeekMan knows in his tiny, cold, black and stone-hard heart that GeekMan will most likely see nothing more than the airport and his hotel room while in any of the various cities he may find himself. Unlike normal people, when GeekMan is working GeekMan gets no days off, no hour long lunch breaks and no weekends to do touristy things.

GeekMan doesn’t even get bathroom breaks.

GeekMan knows that he’ll be working 18 to 20 hour days and wishing for nothing more than a quick nap or a sharp object with which to slit his wrists by the end of the day. GeekMan will have no time for viewing the city, shopping or taking in the sights.

Pity the GeekMan, he is a slave.

To recap, GeekMan will be traveling the globe for the next two months. During this time updates to GeekMan’s site will be slow, short and possible few and far between. Hopefully, they will still be funny enough to keep your interest. In the meantime, there is only one thing left to say…

I’m going to China and Spain! WAAAA-HOOOOO!!!

I am in Geek heaven today.

Yesterday, HoBiscuit presented me with my Channukismas gift. Originally, I was going to write a long, drawn-out, but humorous dialogue-type post about my receipt of said gift, but honestly the gift speaks for itself.

My Gift.

Does anyone out there doubt my eternal love for this woman? Not only does she buy me a gift, she buys me the most Geekiest gift of all. It’s a date book, MP3 player, video camera, still camera, voice recorder and portable gaming device all in one! When I unwrapped it my nipples got so hard, so fast; they tore a hole in my shirt.

Nearly took her eye out, I did.

Happy Holidays. I need some sleep.

As you can all probably tell, I’ve been so busy with real life that my website has suffered. As a quick catch up, let me summarize my last few days for you in handy-dandy list format.

• Got hired for work (yay!) for the entire month of January
• Looked at over 12 reception sites for my wedding
• After six years, my mother met HoBiscuit’s parents for the very first time
• One of my credit cards was used fraudulently to, amongst other things, buy women’s underwear at a sex shop
• Went gift shopping at a huge outlet mall with about 1 billion other people
• I joined Michele’s new Santa Blog

Since it’s coming up to the holiday season, when I like to spend more time with my friends and family in the real world than online, I hope you’ll all understand if my posting schedule is shortened from four or five posts a week to only two or three for the next few weeks. I’ll try to post when I can, but ‘tis the season to be with family, and I’d much rather spend time with them and my friends than with this computer.

In the meantime, check out Ho-Ho-Holy S**t for some funny, R-rated fun. I’m playing Blitzen, the drunk and angry reindeer.