Birthday Love

Today is a special day.

Someone very close to me is having a birthday today! Isn’t that just the greatest? In order to be thought of as the good little GeekMan that I am, I bought this person special birthday flowers which made her very, very happy and got me a kiss. Then I immediately screwed it up by insinuating that she needed to exercise by holding her tightly and grunting as I lifted her up in a hug. At least that’s what she thought I was insinuating.

I thought I was just hugging her.

Of course I had to do something so I made up for my supposed faux pax by kissing her and doing the Happy Birthday Dance, complete with the running man, MC Hammer side-walk and cabbage patch dance moves that she loves so much. Immediately followed by me screwing up yet again when I tried to kiss her again while sweaty.

Mental note for the future; sweaty Geek is bad Geek.

Now, to make up for that we’re headed out to go shopping, for her, which is another Very Good Thing… except that I’ve already screwed it up by insinuating that she needed to go shopping for clothes because her current clothes don’t fit… uh, aren’t fit… to wear anymore?

Yeah! That’s the ticket!

Her current clothes are older fashions and aren’t fit to wear anymore because… uh, because such a beautiful woman needs to be clothed in only the latest, greatest fashions! That’s the reason we’re going shopping! It has absolutely nothing at all to do with how the clothes might hang on her body, because her body is absolutely perfect! Perfectly perfect! In fact, it’s the most wonderously perfect body to ever walk the earth, ever.

Seriously.

And I would never, ever under any circumstances whatsoever, even remotely insinuate that she might want to spend a bit more time at the gym because lord knows if one of us needed to get their fat ass to the gym it should be the idiot who is still typing even though he already knows that he is a dead man.

Is she buying this? No? Does she look angry? Crap.

Well, if I’m alive tomorrow to post it will only be because my bank account has died. Pray for me people, I am soooo going to need it after this.

I am such a stupid, stupid man.