Do you still love us?

HoBiscuit and I are still doing a lot of work getting ready for our upcoming wedding, so things will continue to be a little slow around here for at least the next two weeks. We’re doing pretty well crossing things off our list of ‘things necessary to do in order to get married’. We’ve got the Dress, the place, the flowers, the DJ, the food, the invitations and almost everything else. You could say we’ve got just about everything we need for this wedding, so what could we possibly be doing that’s taking up all of our precious internet time?

Well, you see, we haven’t found anyone to perform the ceremony yet.

I know, I know. We are stupid. Yes, yes, I understand that we seem to have plenty of time to find someone to marry us, but I can assure you that we do not, especially since I will be traveling for the next two weeks. That means we need to book someone before I leave or we’ll really be up a poo creek without a T.P. boat in October. With evil, little fishes made of corn chunks with sharp, pointy teeth circling us as we sink into the stinky sludge.

Ew.

So, as I get ready to loose my mind trying to please four different parental units with two different religious beliefs at one wedding event, I would appreciate any show of support you might want to express to my future wife and I. A comment here would be nice, or an email, if you’re feeling eloquent, would be even nicer. But to truly show your support and love for us, you might do something even better! Now, you might be asking yourself, “What could possibly be better than an email of love?!” and on any other day I’d be hard pressed to give you a good answer.

But this is not any other day.

So from today, and until our happy wedding day on January 2nd, if you really want to show HoBiscuit and I just how much you love us, you can buy us a little something from our brand spanking new Wedding Registry! Personally, I’d think you were a cheap llama-loving loser if you didn’t buy us the new Sony Clie, or at least the complete Ranma ½ Digital Dojo collection. But that’s just me. HoBiscuit says she’d be thrilled to get even a single CD or book from someone, but I don’t think she’ll really be happy without The Complete Monty Python’s Flying Circus Megaset to go with it.

And Half-Life 2. We must not forget Half-Life 2.

BTW, if you actually know us in real life then ignore the GeekMan & HoBiscuit registry since we’ve set up other registries under our real names for our family and friends. So, if you actually thought you could get off easy by buying us a DVD for $15 and calling it a day, you’ve got another think coming. That’s right, grandma. Can we say “Wüsthof”? How about “All-Clad”?

And Mr. Hentai; if I see even ONE gravy boat I will kill you. Dead.

I’ve become a monster.

At what point does an otherwise normal man, with the typical dismissive male attitude towards his own wedding, suddenly become so infatuated with a stupid and trivial wedding decision, the invitation font choice and color for example, that he is willing to throttle his own mother rather than back down from his font of choice? Holy crap, we haven’t even started haggling over the invite list yet!

I just hope my mother doesn’t kick me in the nuts again.

I’m going fricking nuts.

This week is all about the Mighty Wedding Invitations, so I have almost no time whatsoever for anything HoBiscuit considers unnecessary or off-topic. You know, things like eating, sleeping or breathing all take a backseat to the construction of the perfect wedding invitation, especially when we (read: I) need to finish them before the end of the month. In fact, the only way I’ve been able to get on the web at all has been by secretly tapping into my previously latent psychic abilities and warping the time/space continuum in such a way as to halt time long enough to properly wordsmith this missive without letting HoBiscuit find out what I was doing.

So if anyone tells HoBiscuit that I Blogged today, I’m a dead man.

BTW, anyone know any good love poems and/or travel poems that are wedding invitation worthy? I’ve come up with a great design for the invitations but I need a love poem about marriage and a love poem about travel for it, and I can’t seem to find any good ones anywhere on the web.

Excuse me while I use this spoon to pop my left eyeball out of my skull and then squash it in my own fist.

Also, if you are a hairy man in need of sleep, do not attempt to light your farts to impress your mate and/or friends. Explaining the four alarm fire engulfing your entire neighborhood to the fire marshal is neither a fun, nor an enjoyable, experience, no matter how loud the laughter is from your so-called ‘friends’. It is especially un-fun when you are completely covered in third degree burns and every hair on your body has melted into the top layer of your skin making you look like a giant talking mound of flesh-colored wax.

And technically, you were working with flammable materials in a confined area so when the fire marshal gives you a ticket, don’t act so surprised.

Don’t ask. Just trust me on this one, k?