Hey losers, it’s time for the third installment of Ask Bread.
Luke, who thinks he’s cleverer than he really is, asks;
Bread,
Why do people persist to call kissing “sucking face”?
Luke
Dear Luke,
As far as I can tell people call it Sucking Face for a very simple reason; it’s a more truthful label for what it is you do when you open-mouth kiss. Sucking Face ain’t a pretty term, but then again it’s not like kissing looks pretty, ya know? I mean, you guys need to close your eyes just to get through the whole process without fricking gagging and still you insist that it’s a pleasurable experience to “French” kiss. As if anyone out there truly believes that the French would ever invent as disgusting a process as swapping germ infested liquid from one host to another by tongue wrestling your opponent into submission to more easily kill them. However, Sucking Face does more accurately describe what’s happening when you humans put your lips on another human’s lips and push your tongue down their throat as they choke on your spit.
It would be more humane to simply stab them in the neck with a pen.
Mr. Hentai, the only guy who’s a bigger loser than GeekMan, asks;
Dear Bread,
Did you ever get a yeast infection?
Mr. Hentai
Dear Mr. Schmuck,
Ha, fricking, ha. You’re some kind of wise-guy, ain’tcha? You think you’re so funny, making yeast jokes because I’m made of bread, huh? How’d you like it if I came over there and smacked you upside your pointy little head? I don’t know about you humans, but when a female piece of leavened bakery product gets a yeast infection it ain’t no joke. You better call in the National Guard because they’re going to make your life a living hell until that infection goes away. And when I say living hell, I ain’t kidding! Lady bread products go fricking bonkers when they’re infected with yeast; they get real mean, and real fricking nasty, real fricking quick. They’ll bite off your head and spit out your teeth if you even look at them funny so do us all a favor, Mr. Funny Guy Hentai, and don’t never bring up yeast infections again or I’ll come over to your house and poop in your shoes.
Then I’ll shave your cats.
GeekMan’s one and only fangirl, Annessa (who’s website don’t seem to be working right now), writes;
Dearest Bread,
This is not so much a fan letter as it is a request. Could you please remove the picture of me in a tshirt? For some reason, my boyfriend has developed a problem with someone seeing my overly large mammaries in something that’s not baggy and loose. Sorry about the trouble, and thanks,
Annessa
Sweetcheeks Annessa,
This is fricking GREAT! The one fan who’s ever sent in a picture of themselves to that loser extraordinaire GeekMan is actually asking to have it removed from his pathetic site! I’m fricking loving you right now, Annessa. So much so, that I won’t even make some lame joke about your breasts as I remove your picture from this site. You know, some stupid play on words like, “Thanks for the mammaries.” or “Boobies be gone!” or “Milk-Toast.” or something equally dumb like that.
Heh, Milk-Toast. I like that.
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There you have it, another successful installment of Ask Bread! no thanks to that lazy loser GeekMan. If you’ve got a stupid question for me, the fricking mighty Bread, then send me an email with the subject line “The Mighty Question” at bread at the mighty geek dot com. If you’re female and want to prove how much you love me, send me a picture of yourself covered in butter so I won’t feel so bad when I’m locked up here in the house while GeekMan and HoBiscuit go away for the weekend again. Just imagine GeekMan’s face when he sees all the wet crumbs on his keyboard Sunday night… Hey! He’s the one who deleted my Land-O-Lakes sexorama gallery! I’m just giving him what he fricking deserves!
Don’t look at me like that. I admit I’m a perv, what’s your excuse?
