Merry fricking Christmas.
It’s Christmas Eve and I’m getting ready to go out for dinner with some friends so I’m going to be quick about this. But before I start handing out the prizes to the winners, let’s take a moment to acknowledge all of those who entered but lost. In other words;
Let’s talk LOSERS!
The Biggest Loser Award, of course, goes to my lifelong friend Mr. Hentai. Not only is he a loser for knowing me in real life for over 25 years, but he also can’t seem to follow simple contest instructions like my rule number three which clearly states that he needed to leave “a link to my award on your site.” By simply leaving a link to his site in general, poor Mr. Hentai gets nothing but coal in his stocking this Christmas. Schmuck.
The Runner-Up Loser Award is… a tie!
NeverSwallows, a curious moniker which I’ve been told means that she gets all her nourishment through an IV, didn’t win for the same reason Mr. Hentai didn’t. You see, just like Mr. Hentai, she can’t seem to follow directions. Awwww, poor baby.
FatDude, or FatGuy, or whatever he calls himself nowadays, is a Runner-Up Loser because he tried to enter the contest after the end of the submission time period. By email. With sad-faced emoticons, puppy-eyed begging and everything. For being too lazy to actually submit to my whims and pump my ego by giving me an award in time for my contest, I bequeath unto FatDude the Runner-Up Loser Award and a swift kick to his immense and grotesque arse. And this time I’m leaving my galoshes in there, too. Maybe it’ll teach him a lesson. Then again, maybe not.
Next we have the… uhhhh, the uhmm…
The Nominated But Still Not A Winner Awards!
This award goes to everyone who, ahhh… entered but didn’t win. Any resemblance to a pity link in the hopes of not actually alienating those who took the time to enter this contest is purely coincidental. This is an actual award and should not be looked upon as a last minute addition to appease my readers who may or may not be mentally unstable lifetime members of the NRA and able to find Brooklyn on a map.
I’m not kidding. Stop rolling your eyes.
Anywaste, the Nominated But Still Not a Winner Award goes to the following Bloggers, all of whom aren’t only non-winners, they’re non-losers, too!
But enough about the losers non-winners, let’s get to the meat and potatoes. Speaking of which, I’m damn hungry, so without further ado, let’s talk winners!
The Miss Congeniality Award is a wonderful award to win. Usually, nobody wants to be Miss Congeniality because all it means is that you lost the real prize, but not this time. No, in my stupid Christmas contest the Miss Congeniality winner will receive any item they choose from The Mighty Shop!
Oh yeah, I can smell the jealousy.
May I have the envelope, please? And The Mighty Geek Miss Congeniality Award goes to…
It’s a TIE!
Well, the judges are obviously on crack or have been bribed in some way because we all know that those two didn’t deserve this award. But, rules are rules, so JadedJu and SpreeGirl, if you’ll be so kind as to email me accepting your reward for giving me an award, I’ll send you your award reward.
Did that make sense? Ah, who cares? Let’s get to the next Award!
The Runner-Up Suck-Up Award winner will receive $25 in PayPal money OR any item off of their Amazon wishlist worth $25 or less. This is a nice prize and it should be going to a worthy person who has done something truly wonderful… but instead it will go to…
Jen of Random Gestures!
Jen, send me an email accepting your reward and we’ll set up the awarding of the reward. It’s a pity that we’ll have to do some sort of currency exchange in order for you to get your prize, but I’m sure you’ll find a way to use the ¤2,847,902.11 Drachma you’ll receive after the exchanger takes his 95% cut. Maybe you’ll buy a piece of Canadian candy or whatever it is you foreign people like to eat. Damn Canadians.
But enough about those rotten foreigners, let’s get to the true main event!
The 2004 Mighty Geek Super-Ultra Brown-Nosing Suck-Up Award winner is…
Not only did he give me an award on his site, he gave me EVERY award on his site! That level of brown nosing for a cash reward is rare indeed and all of you would be suck-up’s should go grovel at Solonors feet and devote your entire life to emulating his brown-nosing expertise. As the winner of The 2004 Mighty Geek Super-Ultra Brown-Nosing Suck-Up Award, Solonor will receive $40 in PayPal money OR any item off of his Amazon wishlist worth $40 or less. Sol, send me an email telling me how much you love me and I’ll make you $40 richer.
I hope you’re all happy. Now, if you’re reading this on Christmas, I have a special message just for you;
Get a life!
Merry Christmas. Every won.
Whoo hoo! I’ve never been congenial in my life but this is grand! Merry Christmas!
I think you’ve mistaken me for a nice person. How did that happen? Well, I better just enjoy it while I can (meaning before you figure out just how wrong you are).
RAWK! Plus, I must agree with the masterful decision to award the first place prize to Solonor–his award post made the rest of ours somwhat dull and repetitive. I hate him.
I accept this prize in all humility and gratitude.
Yesssss! In your face, Juish One! That’s what you get for not voting me Best Sister. NYAH!!
I would’ve just given the money to a relief organization or my employer anyway….
maybe next time…