Today is my Blog’s anniversary.
Having a web site for as long as I have (three years with this site and seven years altogether) I’ve learned a few things about Blogging that I thought might be nice to share with those of you who are not, like me, massively popular and worshiped as gods. So, without further ado, here’s a list of the Top Ten Things You Can Do To Become A Massively Popular And Universally Loved Web Site Writer.
A Massively Popular And Universally Loved Web Site Writer
- Publicly insult a popular blogger who has a short fuse.
- Write about your sex life. Involve barnyard animals.
- Express an unpopular opinion on a hot political issue then back it up with fake statistics and rambling, irrational & emotional diatribes.
- Write about your favorite sexual positions. Involve homemade appliances.
- Post an angry and self righteous farewell post, wait two weeks and then return by saying you no longer care what other people think because you’re now writing only for yourself.
- Write about your sexual fantasies. Involve foodstuffs.
- Blackmail a famous Blogger for linky-love by PhotoShopping images of them dancing with the Star Wars Kid.
- Write about your sexually deviant tendencies. Involve leather and pony paraphernalia.
- Post pictures of your boobies. If you do not have boobies, post pictures of Michele’s boobies. Don’t worry; everyone’s seen them so I’m sure she won’t mind.
- Write about your sudden discovery and acceptance of your homosexuality. Involve disappointed family members.
There. If you do any three of these ten things you will soon be among the Blogging elite, eating caviar on saltines and sipping Champaign in a hot tub with all the other famous A-List Bloggers. Should you do all ten things then I dare say you might become a Blogging god, able to write anything and still garner 50 to 100 comments and earn over $500 a day in ad revenue and PayPal donations from your adoring fans.
Not to mention all the casual sex from your fanboys/fangirls.
One last note on becoming a popular Blogger. The kiss of death for any Blog is the writer’s insistence on trying to be funny. Never, ever attempt to humor your readership for you will fail miserably and very soon you will find yourself celebrating your Blogiversaries all alone without a single visitor to wish you a happy anniversary. Then you will spend an hour coming up with a stupid list of silly things no one will ever find humorous in the vain and ultimately futile attempt to gain even a single visitor to your pathetic and useless site.
Oh god, I’m so lonely…
happy blogiversary – i wanted to send flowers, but all i’ve got right now are funeral arrangements and i didn’t know if it would be suitable to drape your blog with “Rest in Peace” just yet.
For what it’s worth, I’m frequently amused by your postings. Of course being allowed to explore your twisted mind is sometimes very scary. Thank you for the laughs.
I too, find humor in many of your posts. Happy blog anniversary!
This whole post is about me, isn’t it? I knew it! YOU HAVE LIT MY FUSE, YOUNG MAN!
Oh, Happy anniversary. Yours is one of the first blogs I fell in love with.
hey! yesterday was my blogiversary! what a coincidence. well, not so much a coincidence as a chance for me to celebrate my grand accomplishment of boring all and sundry for two whole years! woot. go me!
oh, yeah. happy blogiversary! i hope the next 10 years teach you tons more stuff. now, about those sexual positions…are there pictures? :D
Funny? You aren’t funny, you’ve never been funny, you’re not even related to anyone who is funny. Though it’s funny that you think you’re funny.
happy blog-b-day! Don’t be lonely. Be odd. No. Wait.
…and many mooooore…
Sure, go ahead and have a blogiversary party while I’m out-of-town. That’s it. No casual sex for you!