I had a lovely New Years Eve because people came to my apartment. This may not seem so big a deal to you, but since I live all the way out in ‘Friggen Brooklyn’ most of my friends won’t visit me unless they’re assured of having a ride home afterwards.
Ah, I see some of you don’t understand. Let me explain.
Unlike the rest of the country, in New York City owning a car is considered a liability. We can get by without a car because we have great methods of public transportation such as trains, taxis and buses. Most people who live in NY don’t own a car and if they do, they only use it for getting out of the city. For example, when visiting the wild Serengeti of New Jersey Strip Malls. As hard as it might be for some of you to understand, there are some people in NY who go their entire lives without ever getting a driver’s license.
[collective gasp of horror]
Add to this the fact that I live about 45 minutes away from the city by train or over $50 each way by taxi and you can see why very few of my friends visit my apartment. But this year a few friends actually came over to my place for a nice quiet New Year celebration. Some drinks, some silly board games and a lot of great conversation made this year a lot less hectic and insane as the last five. In fact, this was the first year in a long, long time where I didn’t spend New Years Day cleaning up the mess a few hundred people made after a wild party on New Years Eve.
It was a welcome change of pace.
Now, although I don’t normally make resolutions I figured that this year I would give it a try. I hope I can keep at least some of these, but if I don’t that will only help to reaffirm my third grade teacher’s belief that I’m nothing but a slacker and will never amount to anything.
- Lurn to spel.
- Watch more television. TLC, History and Discovery don’t count.
- Get older.
- Stop covering women’s public bathroom toilets with Seran Wrap.
- Buy something.
- Read something.
- Try to acquire the telephone number 1-900-MYT-GEEK.
- Be funny. Even if just once.
- Tell HoBiscuit how much she means to me.
- Visit every site on the web. Twice.
- Stop speaking to my family in the third person.
- Call someone.
- Complain about money.
- Get sick.
- Start a project and don’t finish.
- Become someones idol and then crush their hopes, dreams and aspirations when they meet me by turning out to be nothing more than a bitter, angry and slightly insane bastard.
So, what are some of your resolutions?
I resolve to own my inner Mark Leyner, and increase the frequency with which I pistol-whip my butler.
Which sounds a lot dirtier than it is. Or maybe I’m not doing it right.
Res’lution Numsa 4 shouldsa been spelled “sAran wrap” not “sEran wrap” as yousa gots in yousa bloggie-blog. Yousa work hard on res’lution numsa 1, nick-nick.
So what WAS the top story of 2004?