I lost my nads yesterday.
Well, that’s not exactly true. You see, I didn’t actually lose my nads in the sense that I misplaced my keys or an umbrella. I lost them in the sense that they were forcibly ripped from my body and tossed into a corner as callously and casually as some people might core an apple.
And the person who did it never even laid a finger on me.
I’m a good guy, well… I’m a nice person, and when my lovely wife asks me to go somewhere with her and meet some of her work friends for dinner I’m only too happy to oblige. Not only because she’s my wife, but also because going to dinner with her would mean I’ll be seen in public with her thus proving to the doubters of the world that I really am married to The World’s Most Beautiful Woman™.
And you’re not. Neener, neener, neener.
Anywaste, there I was in a nice Polo shirt and jeans waiting for her to get ready so we could go meet her friends when she stops putting on her lip gloss/eye liner/other beauty enhancing product and gives me the evil eye. Since I hadn’t said anything in the last twenty minutes that would warrant such a look of disdain, I quickly reviewed all transgressions and/or slights that I might have intentionally or unintentionally bestowed upon her in the last week. Coming up empty, I spent another full second fruitlessly reviewing anything she might have imagined or even dreamed that I had done to piss her off in the last month.
You know, just to be safe.
Once again coming up with nothing, I thought it was safe to give her an inquisitive look of bemused clueless-ness and inquire as to why I was getting the Pursed Lips Of Feminine Disapproval™. Now pay attention men, because it is here, right here, that I lost my masculinity and I’m writing this incident down so that I will never, ever forget exactly when and how my nads were removed and I became the complete and total P-Whipped GirlyMan I am today. You see, when I asked HoBiscuit why she was looking at me with such disapproval she gave me the once over and said, said mind you, not asked, “You’re not going to wear THAT, are you?”
And so help me, without even a thought of protest, I changed my clothes!
The day of emasculation is always a sad day…but take it from me you won’t even miss them in a few days.
There are repalcement prosthetic ‘nads you can purchase, but you’ll have to get permission first. I got mine at a great deal, but ,SHHHHH don’t tell anyone.
So, you traded one pair of nads to stay in the relatively good graces of the World’s Most Beautiful Woman (i.e., she lets you continue to claim to be kinda sorta associated with her in public).
I don’t see the problem here. Were you thinking you could have gotten a better deal? Maybe only paid one nad?
Of course you did.
wow. dude that sucks. nads are like the coolest things and yours were ripped off. and nads is by far the coolest word, so keep it up nadlessdude.
If you’re married to the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, then you’d better be making a beautiful salary to match the power that good-looking women wield. Everyone knows that money is power for men; beauty is power for women.