You Know You Want It

He who dies with the most toys, wins.

So, you wish you had a video game system as ‘leet as mine but every time you go to the ATM you realize that you don’t have a bazillion dollars to spend to get it? Well, don’t sit there crying about how unfair the world is! Get up off your keister and sell your soul, and the souls of up to 5 of your close friends, to Lord Satan and you too can get some or all of your dream home theater for FREE!

Plus shipping and handling.

For example; let’s say you wish you had your very own video gaming system but can’t seem to save the shillings necessary to buy one. Well now, thanks to the kind people at Gratis Internet, you can have one for free! Just go to Free Video Games dot com, fill out the soul-purchasing form on their website, sign up for one of their offers that will take you a lifetime to get released from, and then agree to accept any and all spam for the rest of your natural life.

Oh, and get five more idiots friends to do the same.

What’s that you say? You don’t want a regular, plain old X-Box? You say that in order to make selling your soul, and the souls of a few friends, worthwhile you want to have a special, limited edition X-Box? Something no one else on the planet would ever knowingly allow into their home? Preferably in ugly, puke-ish neon green? Well why didn’t you say so in the first place?!

Free Green Machine has got you covered!

And now you’re probably wondering how useful a brand new free X-Box will be when you don’t even have a game to play, right? Well, don’t you get yourself into a lather because Get The Game Free has a surprise for you!

That’s right! A Free Limited Collector’s Edition Halo 2 game!

Oh, but now I bet you’re thinking, “I’ve got this fricking awesome machine and the most awesomely great game ever, but I don’t have a TV to play it on.” Don’t you fret because you can get yourself a free TV or flat panel LCD screen over at Free Flat Screens!

I bet your sporting wood now, huh?

But wait, as the late night commercials say, there’s more! Shock. Gasp. What if you really wanted a surround-sound system to compliment your free home theater? Well, I thought you’d never ask! Now, while it’s true that the people over at Gifts For Nothing aren’t guaranteeing you a free surround-sound system, they are giving you the chance to win one! And really, what’s better than getting an entire home theater gaming system for the low, low price of your, and a few of your friends’, souls?

Nothing, that’s what. Absolutely nothing.