It just occurred to me that I’m going to have sex.
What I mean is; I’m married now so at some point in the future I almost have to get lucky. Right? Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even for years and years and years. But one day HoBiscuit will turn to me and say those three little words that every Geek ever born knows will lead to hot monkey sex, and this is one Geek who’s going to start training now so he’ll be ready for that big day.
50 pushups every night. No hands.
That’s right people; GeekMan is ready for action! I won’t be caught unawares. I’m going to be a lean, mean, sex machine. My moment in the sun, my time to set off fireworks to the music of the night is fast approaching and I’m going to be ready. Ready for HoBiscuit to finally give in to my charms, my suave and debonair advances, my begging & pleading and utter those three, sweet, sexy words that’ll lead to sweaty bodies and stained sheets.
“I want kids.”
Oh man, just writing that made my nipples hard. Yeah baby, YEAH!
thats not sex..
thats the “post-marital reproductive ritual” clause in the pernup HB made you sign.
Well, yeah, that’s all well and good, and it’ll be a magical three weeks or so.
But from what I understand, eventually the ‘experiment’ will work, and your honey will turn up preggers. No sex then.
And then the baby will come, and there will be diapers and messes and projectile vomiting, and much exhaustion all ’round. No sex then.
And then the baby will grow, and suck all the cash from your wallet and purse, and you’ll become sad, poor, sunken shells of what you once were. Theoretically, you could have sex again at this stage… but you probably won’t want to.
I think the best bet is to pretend you’re trying to help have kids, but… you know, withhold. In other words, fake it. That way, you can extend the McHumpin’ time almost indefinitely. Or until you lose control and screw up, whichever comes first.
on the contrary, charlie, most women are extra-super horny during their pregnancy (usually after the morning sickness and before the baby drops) and so there’ll be a lot of “free-throws” during that time if HB is like most females. GM just has to learn to maneuver around the belly in the third trimester. ;)
Hey sex rocks ;-) Even for us geeks…. and you do know that pracice makes perfect!!
Rofl… getting kids doesn’t guarantee a need to have sex. What if she wants to go for in vitro fertilisation, and hands you a jar with these words :
“Honey, I want kids – fill this yar please?”
is it still called “getting lucky” if the other person has to ask for it? isn’t it more “getting what was requested”?
I can’t express how disturbed I was by the mental images you have chosen to share in that piece. I only hope my future wife doesn’t read it. Or you’ll have spoiled my chances by giving away every geek’s secret fantasy! Fool!