It was a beautiful day.
It was sunny and warm outside with a cool breeze beckoning me to leave the sanctity of my somber sanctuary. So instead of sitting in my dark room in front of my computer, I decided to head the call of summer and go outside to play. Grabbing my wallet and my keys, I left the dark and dreary cave I called home to join the chorus of bright and shiny happiness right outside my door.
It was going to be the most glorious of summer days.
Before I even reached the outer door I was already planning the use of my valuable free time. First some lunch, then some ice cream then a nice walk by the water to be followed by even more ice cream. Maybe I would even take some time to read a book in the sun at one of the myriad of outdoor café’s in the neighborhood. Perhaps I would once again walk by the water and cross the Brooklyn Bridge to meet HoBiscuit for a lovely dinner in the city and then take a moonlit stroll with the most beautiful woman in the world.
Stars and city lights would guide us home.
As I opened the outer door, smile upon my face at the thought of the after-walk sex my lady and I would have that evening, I felt my first summer breeze of the day across my face, chest and legs. My smile wavered as I pondered the feeling, knowing that something was wrong, but unable to fathom what it could be. When the neighborhood children stopped in their tracks to stare at me in shocked disbelief, I began to suspect the truth. When the pack of old ladies walking by began to point at me and giggle reality finally poked me in the eye with the stick of comprehension, and suddenly I realized my Great Error.
Somehow, I had forgotten to get dressed.
Closing the door in shame I turned back to my den of dark comforts. Ignoring one of the 7 year old girls’ catcall of, “My baby brother’s bigger’n that wittle thing!” I somehow managed to walk, not crawl, to the bed and pull the covers over my head before bursting into tears. Pulling out my “Dr Joel’s Professional Pumping System” manhood enhancer from under the bed, I vigorously set about turning that little girl, and all the other little girls like her, into the lying little whores that I knew they were. “One day.” I whispered to the darkness. “One day we’ll show them all.”
Pump. Pump. Pump.
After I read this, the very next e-mail to hit my inbox was a piece of spam titled: “Grow a bigger weiner by dinner!” (I’ll forward it, if you think it will help.)
Argh!! Who’s got the remote? I need to change this channel!!
Hey, I got mine. Sounds to me like the Gods of Spam are trying to tell YOU something, no?
Lalalala. Not listening.
Dr? Joel’s Professional Pumping System will solve all famine and hunger in this world. Pump it before you eat it!
very good storytelling geekman.. really.. if you wrote a book I’d probably almost consider reading it…….. that’s a good thing.