I was spoiled as a child.
I’ve decided that I’ll never spoil my kids the same way I was. That way they won’t turn out to be rotten and repulsive human beings like me. Instead of being babied and taken care of until they’re in their teens, I think I’ll make them go to work and start paying their own bills early on in life.
For example, I think they should get jobs at… oh, let’s say three years old.
When I was a kid, I didn’t have to work for my food. I was spoiled rotten, what with all the hamburgers, macaroni, soda and other crap that just magically appeared on the dinner table every night. Well, my little demon spawn won’t be spoiled like that, no sireebob! They’ll be too busy working in the coal mines as shovels to eat that rich people food. Their payment for a job well done will be licking the roof of their mouth clean every day to obtain sustenance from the natural nutrients found in coal dust.
If they’re lucky, on holidays and birthdays they’ll get a stone to suck on.
As a kid, I was never whipped or beaten either. Can you imagine how soft and simperingly wimpy I was? How frickin spoiled? Well, you can be sure that my child will grow up knowing that actions have consequences! Every night before they go to bed, they’ll receive a ritualistic beating administered by homeless men wearing Mardi Gras masks and wielding raw meat clubs. Then, just to make sure the lesson sinks in, they’ll receive one lash from the ‘Thank You Cane’ for every time they cry out in pain.
They’ll grow strong, like ox.
And can you believe that I was allowed my own bed as a kid? My own frickin bed?! That’s crazy! My kids will know the value of a good nights sleep and they won’t be spoiled by stupid things like soft pillows, sheets or mattresses either. Oh no, my kids will make their own beds from daddy’s leftover broken beer bottles and their pillows will be a couple of two-by-fours lashed together with twine. In the morning, they’ll take lemon-juice baths, using dry ice soap and rusty steel wool as a washcloth.
One day my kids will thank me. I just know it.
Hmm…. reminds me of my own childhood. Ah! Memories.
You really must resist the tendency to indulge your kids. Consider feeding them mudpies.
Can I be there when they, um, “thank” you?
Thinking about kids, are you? :)
Ahh Good times, Good times. But why start at 3? Even better to start younger, My son is 5 months and just about ready…
can i be the mother of your children?
ok sofia, if that is your real name, back off – he’s mine.
Yes I do believe that children need to take the punishment for whatever wrong action they do.
But a beating, and I mean every night so as they can appreciate a good night’s sleep – It’s a little crazy. And having a job by the age of three or younger is even crazier!
I strongly believe in Spankings. I have turned out fine from the spankings I recieved, and they were hard mind you.
So when I have children of my own and they are really mis-behaving I’ll just say firmly,” right, you have disobeyed come with me and be spanked”. And so that’ll do them. Just a couple of whacks.
But when they grow up to be teenagers, I’ll just send them to their rooms and ground them for a month or two.
And with the job issue – I’ll have them persuing jobs by the ages of 15,16 or 17. I just think that beating your child and making them work hard by the ages of three or younger is a crime.