Can anyone explain this to me?
When I was living alone, doing laundry was a simple task. Put all my clothes into a laundry bag, take said bag to the Laundromat and then pick them up the next day. Overnight, my laundry would be magically cleaned, fluffed and expertly folded so that the only thing I needed to do on my own was put them into the proper drawers in the dresser.
And then came HoBiscuit the Taskmaster.
Now, not only am I supposed to do my own laundry, but I have to do hers as well. And let me tell you understanding the finer points of washing sweaters ( ‘delicate’ cycle only, extra spin and then medium dry) versus delicates (‘gentle’ cycle, low dry) versus blouses (‘gentle’, hang dry) is enough to drive anyone mad. But what makes it even worse is that apparently my clothes don’t warrant such attention. The only excuse she seems willing to give me is that my clothes are somehow ‘stronger’ than hers when it comes to washing care.
Why her jeans need to be carefully and meticulously turned inside out before washing while mine are simply thrown into the washer as is, is beyond me.
But all of that is peanuts when you take into account the horrible affront to my clothings’ civil liberties that HoBiscuit enacts each and every laundry day. It is horrible, simply horrible. Do you know what she’s doing? She’s teaching me to segregate my laundry, you know, separate the colors from the whites? Wasn’t that made illegal with the thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution? I tried that argument with HoBiscuit, but she simply ignored me and went about her business telling me that I should stop my whining and grow up.
Well my friends, I have a Dream.
[begin Martin Luther King, Jr. voice]
I have a Dream.
I have a Dream that one day every Washer shall be exalted, every Bleach and Softener shall be made low, the Dryer Sheet will be made unnecessary, and the Single Loader will be made Double, and the glory of the Laundry shall be revealed, and all Fabrics shall see it together.
I have a Dream that one day, White clothing, and Dark Clothing, and clothes of all the colors of the rainbow can be washed together in peace and harmony.
This is my hope. This is the faith with which I return to the Doing Of Laundry. With this faith I will be able to hew out of the Mountain Of Dirty Clothes a Sock Of Hope. With this faith I will be able to transform the tattered remains of my favorite T-Shirt into a beautiful Sweater. With this faith I will be able to work, to pray, to struggle, and to stand up for righteousness, knowing that my clothes will be free one day.
That will be the day when all of Geek’s clothing will be able to sing with a new meaning, “My clothing, ’tis of thee, sweet clothes that are dirty, of thee I sing. Wash where my colors died, wash of the Snuggles pride, from every Cheer and Tide, let freedom ring.”
Let Freedom Ring!
When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every Sit-N-Spin and every Wash-N-Go, from every Bubble Heaven and every Spot-Less, we will be able to speed up that day when all the world’s Clothing, black clothes and white clothes, silk and cotton, nylon and rayon, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Laundromat spiritual,
“Clean at last! Clean at last! Thank God Almighty, we are clean at last!”
[end Martin Luther King, Jr. voice]
I have been to the mountain top, and there were clean clothes there.
All this blogging is a nice delay tactic.. now stop whining and do the laundry already.
Man. And all this time I thought I was doing laundry right.
I miss the “expert folding” of the Laundromat professionals as well.
Laundry Blows!
i have a company called “Laundry On Wheels, Inc.”. I pick up ur laundry (and hers) and the next day, deliver fluffed, smelling nice..etc.
well, u prob live too far so i prob wont be able to help u, but if you’re ever in Elizabeth NJ, look me up!
Laundry is the worst thing in the world. One day out with friends I said to them that the only thing I look for in a girl is if she does laundry. Ten minute later I asked a hot girl that was in the bar if she would do my laundry for me. Sounds like a bad pick up line? 10 weeks later I’m still with this girl. She has yet to do my laundry but I regularly mention the reason I first talked to her. Somehow my haltered for laundry has landed me a chick better looking than I would have ever had ever talked to. Go figure. The day she does my laundry for me I will legitimately as her to marry me. Sorry I don’t live near you or I’d have you do my laundry. But then again if that were so, I wouldn’t be with a hot chick right now.
in response to your laundry writings:
preach it brother!!!
00dannyboy:)
I thought I had it bad when it was just my husband and I. But wait till the little ones comes. You will have millions..no, billions, on little, tiny, itsy bitsy clothes that at first…you want to fold nicely and stackly beautifully. By the 3rd kid, your throwing them in the drawer. Forget seperating 24 months from 2T and 3T from 4T. It’s a complete and utter nightmare, not to mention you have to do the adult laundry too. Only if I had a personal laundry person. Lots would be accomplished.