Coming Soon…

The following is a message for the readers of themightygeek.com from SoD Don “Hogarth” Rumsfeld.

My fellow visitors. I have been asked by the GeekMan to hold this press conference to inform you of a grave matter of international security. It has come to our attention that an individual, known only under the alias of ‘Bread’, has managed to escape from his place of incarceration at Casa de Geek and is now at large amongst the general populace of the Internet. Due to his mean and petty disposition, he should be considered armed with a razor-sharp tongue and very dangerous.

Do not be alarmed.

It is our understanding that Bread is not the smartest of individuals and so will almost certainly attempt to create his own website. We don’t know how, we don’t know when and we don’t know where, but we must be ever vigilant in our… uh, vigilance. Damn, I’ve got to remember to fire my speechwriter.

Where was I? Oh yes, ‘ever vigilant’, right.

We must remain ever vigilant because if Bread does create his ‘bread-site’ then life, liberty, freedom and the very stability of the world as we know it could come crashing down around us. He is a vile and evil little monster and must be stopped by whatever means necessary. Even if that means covering him in honey and feeding him to specially trained attack pigeons.

Consider this a Code Lavender warning.

Due to his immense ego and annoying habit of inserting himself into any gathering or conversation, it is our expert opinion that he cannot last more than one week without being able to insult someone. Although it might take Bread longer to actually create his site, our experts seem to believe that he will make his move soon, for fear of missing an opportunity to cause GeekMan great emotional damage. And whenever he does make his move, that’s when we’ll pounce on him like rabid camel spiders.

And believe me, those suckers are damn quick.

I want to take a moment to assure the general public that we expect to have this villain in custody almost as quickly as we captured Mr. Bin Laden, so there is no need for panic. Stay indoors, visit this site on a regular basis for updates and whatever you do, should someone about the size and shape of a slice of white bread knock on your door and beg for Internet access, do not let them inside.

Even if they swear that they’re only a land shark.

The behind-the-scenes, super-top-secret, worldwide conglomerate of egomaniacal overlords thanks you for your time. Now, go about your daily lives as if you didn’t really believe we existed and perhaps we won’t audit you this year. And yes, I’m talking to you.

That is all.